TEMPERAMENT AND SLEEP
We’re often bombarded with recommendations around sleep that we know would never jive with our little ones. It can be easy to think we’ve done something wrong when our child doesn’t sleep the way the books or sleep trainers say they should be able to. But are those social media influencers and mommy bloggers taking a baby‘s unique temperament into consideration? Quite often, the answer is no.
What is temperament and why is it important?
We are each born with our temperament. It’s different from our personality, which develops based on our experiences. (This means temperament is not caused by parenting!) Instead, it’s actually informed by our biology. The temperament that a child is born with impacts the way they perceive and respond to the world around them. It affects how we experience emotions, regulate behaviour, and feel in new situations. There’s no right or wrong with temperament — just differences.
Thirty years ago, temperament and high sensitivity were poorly understood. Often called shyness, introversion, inhibition, negative affect, fearfulness, and even difficulty, researchers had yet to uncover that being highly sensitive was a physiological, measurable difference in how the nervous system processed information.
We know better now. (Or at least, some of us do.)
Researchers have found that up to 20% of the population is born with higher sensitivity to sensory processing, meaning that they take in more with their senses than the average person and process that information more deeply. Incredibly, this difference in sensitivity can even be found in over 100 different animal species and counting. (Are the animals making this up too?)
Most parents notice their child's highly sensitive traits in infancy. They recount how strangers would comment on how alert their babies were. They noticed the intensity with which their babies would get upset in situations that hardly ruffled other infants.
One way to understand this is by thinking about the metaphor of “dandelion children” and “orchid children.” Most kids can adapt to almost any environment regardless of difficulties, just like dandelions that grow no matter what. These children’s nervous systems are pretty non-reactive. But a smaller number of children are more like orchids, which are more picky when it comes to the care they need to be able to thrive. In these children, their nervous systems react more strongly, and they do better when they receive warm, nurturing caregiving.
How your baby’s temperament might be impacting their sleep
Babies born with an easygoing temperament tend to have an easier time with sleep. They often fall into a routine without much fuss and wake up and fall asleep around the same times each day. They can adapt quickly to parent-led changes to the sleep routine, often expressing less upset.
Highly sensitive babies, on the other hand, tend to have irregular sleep patterns and can find it hard to adapt to new schedules and routines. This is because they process deeply — they tend to notice everything and need time to analyze it, which is why they often need so long to wind down at bedtime and can be so distracted by changes to their routine. They can get overstimulated easily — they take in so much information about their environment and, as a result, need a lot more support to wind down and fall asleep. Highly sensitive children feel things more intensely and can get upset by less, so they often need more time and support to come back to a place of calm.
While there's not much we can do to change our baby’s temperament, there are ways we can adapt to it to make life easier.
How you can work with your baby’s temperament to support their sleep
Research finds that when highly sensitive children receive warm, nurturing, and responsive care, they have the best outcomes out of everyone — even those with a less sensitive nervous system. This is known as the differential susceptibility model in the developmental literature.
If you think your little one is highly sensitive and you’re committed to taking a warm, sensitive approach to parenting, keep listening to that intuition. Ignore anyone who says you are imagining (or worse, caused) your child’s sensitivity.
Here are some ways to work with their temperament instead of against it:
Give them time to wind down. Highly sensitive children often need a lot of time to process their day before they can find sleep. What can appear as stalling might actually just be them trying to make sense of everything they experienced that day.
Provide a lot of sensory support. Help their bodies feel calm enough to drift off by walking with them, rocking, bouncing, swaying, putting them in a carrier, or giving them something to suckle.
Create a predictable routine. Like orchids, it's not uncommon for these babies to need consistency and a very certain environment to be able to sleep. These kiddos might have a hard time napping on the go or sleeping away from home.
Give lots of time and support when adjusting to a change in routine. Caregivers will have to move in small steps very slowly. Even then, it can still take a lot of time and reassurance before they become comfortable with the change.
Create a stimulus-free environment. Highly sensitive babies can become easily distracted by sounds, lights, and novelties at nighttime, and often need time to understand it before being able to fall (back) to sleep. These usually aren't the kids that can “sleep through anything.”
Pay attention to their comfort. These kiddos can be very impacted by any sort of discomfort. They will have a particularly hard time sleeping through things like teething, an illness, a wet diaper, etc.
Pay attention to your own mood, too. They are especially sensitive to a caregiver's mood at nap and bedtime. If you're feeling anxious, rushed, or "need" them to sleep at a certain time, they're going to feel it. If bedtime is frustrating you, consider giving you both a break and trying again later.
Stay close when possible. These aren't the babies that are going to take easily to falling asleep “drowsy but awake” and will often need to be on or next to a caregiver to both fall asleep and stay asleep.
Understanding our child’s temperament isn’t going to change it, but it can bring us some ease and reassurance when we realize there’s nothing wrong with our child (or our parenting). You’re doing everything right by following your intuition and offering them support for their needs. One day soon, you’ll see the fruits of your labour pay off.
These children are a gift to the world, and we could only be so lucky to be raising one.
References:
1. Atkinson E, Vetere A, Grayson K. Sleep disruption in young children. The influence of temperament on the sleep patterns of pre-school children. Child Care Health Dev. 1995 Jul;21(4):233-46. doi: 10.1111/j.1365-2214.1995.tb00754.x. PMID: 7554104.
2. Boyce, WT. Why Some Children Are Orchids and Others Are Dandelions. Psychology Today. 2019.
3. Rizzo-Sierra CV, Leon-S ME, Leon-Sarmiento FE. Higher sensory processing sensitivity, introversion and ectomorphism: New biomarkers for human creativity in developing rural areas. J Neurosci Rural Pract. 2012 May;3(2):159-62. doi: 10.4103/0976-3147.98314. PMID: 22865969; PMCID: PMC3409988.
4. Touchette E, Petit D, Paquet J, Boivin M, Japel C, Tremblay RE, Montplaisir JY. Factors associated with fragmented sleep at night across early childhood. Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2005 Mar;159(3):242-9. doi: 10.1001/archpedi.159.3.242. PMID: 15753267.
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
What makes my approach different:
The whole gist behind most sleep training programs is that you have to follow their rules for it to work… even if it feels awful.
That’s not what we do here. I will never ask you to do anything that goes against your intuition.
You’re the expert, and you get to call the shots.
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