FALSE STARTS
If you find false starts really frustrating, you’re not alone. Running to the bedroom to support our babies back to sleep every 40 minutes is not how most of us want to spend our evenings.
Most babies go through a false start phase, which is when they wake up frequently in the first part of the night. They typically occur as a baby or toddler nears the end of a sleep cycle and enters into “partial arousal” (which is something we all do). Some children fall into the next sleep cycle easily, without fully waking up. But many babies will come to partial arousal, notice something is “off,” and wake all the way up. Then they call out for us to come help them back to sleep.
And while this can be incredibly frustrating (my husband and I bickered so much during this phase!) it’s not because you did something wrong — this is developmentally appropriate for infants and toddlers, and they’ll eventually grow out of it. That said, there are a few things to consider as you’re navigating false starts (and stressful evenings!).
We can think about…
Does your little one need you to stay with them for their first stretch of sleep?
With my older daughter, holding her for the first stretch of sleep helped alleviate her false starts immensely — and I’ve heard from so many parents that this works. You support your little one to sleep, and then stay next to them for their first sleep cycle, which in the early years is roughly 45-60 minutes. Pop in some headphones, listen to a podcast, watch a show on your phone, etc. Chances are good that when they’re ending their first sleep cycle, they’ll stir a little bit. And you’ll be right next to them to rub their back, pat their bum, whatever it is you do to support them back to sleep. And then they’ll fall into their next sleep cycle without coming to full arousal. Something about this seems to help little ones then take a longer stretch of uninterrupted sleep.
Is your baby uncomfortable?
It makes sense that our babies can't stay asleep if they're in pain or uncomfortable. If your little one has reflux, keeping them upright for 15-20 minutes after their feed before lying them down to sleep can help. If they have painful gas, incorporating a warm bath and belly massages into your bedtime routine might provide relief. If they're teething, giving them a breastmilk popsicle while going through their bedtime routine can help “numb” their painful gums before falling asleep.
Is the environment disruptive?
An unfamiliar location, a strange noise, too much light, or feeling too hot or cold can all cause your baby to wake up fully between sleep cycles. Feel the back of your baby's neck to determine if they are too hot or too cool. Opt for sheets and jammies made from natural fibers that do a good job of regulating temperature, and sleep with their sheets beforehand so they smell like you! Use a sound machine and blackout blinds, and cover any light emitting from electronics in the room (baby monitor, sound machine) with a piece of duct tape.
Are they overtired?
When a baby or toddler is overtired, a small increase in cortisol production can occur (the key word here is “small” — this isn't something to panic about!). Increased cortisol can make it a little harder for babies and toddlers to fall asleep and stay asleep. Check to make sure your baby's naps are evenly spaced throughout the day and their awake times aren't too long for them. If you're in a season of short naps, an extra cat nap at the end of the day might help prevent overtiredness before bed.
Or, not tired enough?
Sleep is regulated by two functions: circadian rhythm and homeostatic sleep pressure, which is simply another way of saying how tired our little ones are. When babies nap too long during the day, or the gap between the last nap and bedtime is too small, they might fall asleep easily enough, but not have enough sleep pressure for them to stay asleep. After one sleep cycle, they wake up and call out. Check daytime sleep totals and cap the last nap of the day if it's too long.
Have you tried a floor bed?
I don’t know what it is about floor beds but they seem to have this magical property that makes babies and toddlers sleep better. I think it’s because we can avoid that really finicky crib transfer and instead lie next to them to support them to sleep and then ease ourselves away.
But here’s the truth
Sometimes, no matter how much time you spend tweaking things, no matter how much money you spend trying different sleep sacks and white noise machines and fancy bamboo pajamas…..nothing helps alleviate false starts, plain and simple.
With both my girls, we experienced a big uptick around eight months (which is also when separation anxiety is on the rise…coincidence? I think not). And despite playing around with lots of different sleep pieces, at the end of the day, they just needed us.
Caregivers are the ultimate source of comfort and safety. Nothing else compares. When our babies come to partial arousal and notice they're alone, they do their job of signaling for us to come back to them. This helps them to feel safe and calm, two things that we all need (grownups included!) in order to drift off to sleep.
I know this isn't the answer most of us want to hear. In those moments of frustration, all we want is a three-step plan to make the false starts go away. But if you've played around with the above suggestions and they’re not working…..more often than not, false starts just need time.
At this point, rather than investing so much energy in trying to make them go away, can we shift our attention to trying to make them more bearable? If your baby is still young and not easily woken up by their environment, maybe you can have them sleep on your chest in the living room while you and your partner watch a show together? Alternatively, can you and your partner watch a show in bed with your favourite snack (on the laptop or ipad if you don’t have a tv in your room, with headphones if needed), and have your baby sleep next to you?
I know it’s not ideal but can be the difference between a phase of false starts feeling overwhelming and all consuming vs. just mildly inconvenient.
If you’re worried about how these frequent wakes are impactnig your baby, I’ve got some good news. Quality of sleep is not affected when babies can be quickly supported back to sleep after brief awakenings. In fact, there is some research to suggest it helps keep young infants in a lighter stage of sleep, which is actually protective against SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome).
Take comfort in knowing that the very act of responding to the false starts is going to make them go away. Over time, your baby will feel more and more comfortable just drifting back off to sleep when they stir between sleep cycles.
References:
1. Henderson, J.M., France, K.G., Owens, J.L., & Blampied, N.M. (2010). Sleeping Through the Night: The Consolidation of Self-regulated Sleep Across the First Year of Life. Pediatrics, 126(5): e1081–e1087. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2010-0976
2. Kahn, A., Groswasser, J., Franco, P., Scaillet, S., Sawaguchi, T., Kelmanson, I., & Bernanrd, D. (2002). Sudden infant deaths: arousal as a survival mechanism. Sleep Medicine, (3)2, S11-S14. https://doi.org/10.1016/S1389-9457(02)00157-0.
3. Sadeh, A., Flint-Ofir, E., Tirosh, T., & Tikotzky, L. (2007). Infant sleep and parental sleep-related cognitions. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(1), 74-87. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.21.1.74.
4. Spiegel, K., Leproult, R., & Van Cauter, E. (1999). Impact of sleep debt on metabolic and endocrine function. The Lancet, 354(9188), 1435-1439. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(99)01376-8.
5. Wu, R., Wang, G-H., Zhu, H., Jiang, F., & Jiang, C-L. (2018). Sleep Patterns in Chinese Preschool Children: A Population-Based Study. Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, 14(04), 533-540. https://doi.org/10.5664/jcsm.7038.
What makes my approach different:
The whole gist behind most sleep training programs is that you have to follow their rules for it to work… even if it feels awful.
That’s not what we do here. I will never ask you to do anything that goes against your intuition.
You’re the expert, and you get to call the shots.
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