EAT PLAY SLEEP
The idea behind the eat-play-sleep schedule is that babies shouldn’t be fed to sleep for fear of creating an “association” with feeding and sleep.
Instead, sleep trainers recommend feeding a baby immediately after they wake up, and then engaging them in some activities (diaper change, tummy time, play, etc.) before settling them down for their next nap. Eat-play-sleep is often recommended in combination with doing drowsy but awake.
Sleep trainers make eat-play-sleep sound really easy… but if babies weren’t meant to fall asleep feeding, why do we have to work so hard to prevent it?!
Where did the idea of eat-play-sleep come from?
The whole idea of eat-play-sleep comes from the book “On Becoming Babywise” by Robert Bucknam and Gary Ezzo, a book that the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) warns against. The advice in this book advice can result in infant development problems such as dehydration, poor weight gain, slow growth, delayed development and failure to thrive, as well as lack of milk supply in the breastfeeding parent and involuntary weaning of the infant.
What the eat-play-sleep schedule fails to acknowledge is that the natural routine of most babies looks more like eat - play - eat - sleep - eat - sleep - eat - play - eat - sleep.
Should I stay away from eat-play-sleep?
Babies go through periods of needing more feeds for all sorts of reasons - if they’re going through a growth spurt, they need to feed often to support the rapid growth they’re experiencing. When they’re teething, they’ll want to nurse more as suckling produces natural pain relievers. If they’re not feeling well, they’ll nurse more to get the antibodies your body naturally makes in response to their illness. And when it’s hot out, they’ll feed more often to stay hydrated.
It’s an incredible system that nature designed to meet the ever-changing needs of our baby. What feels easier for many families than following arbitrary rules about when they are ‘allowed’ to feed our baby, is simply to tune into the cues our baby is sending us that they’re ready for their next feed… be that before, during or after their sleep!
We also have to remember that breastfeeding works via a process of supply and demand. When we restrict demand, we run the risk of decreasing our supply.
Eat-play-sleep also ignores the fact that feeding makes our babies sleepy. Many parents start to feel stressed out that their baby is falling asleep at the breast or bottle, but actually, this is exactly what nature intended to happen.
When a baby suckles, the hormone cholecystokinin is released into the intestine. Cholecystokinin is responsible for satiety and sleepiness, helping to soothe an infant to sleep. What’s more, breast milk contains sleep-inducing hormones, amino acids, and nucleotides.
So right off the hop we can see that the logistics of the eat-play-sleep schedule really just works against biology. Feeding makes babies sleepy!
Of course, if our newborn is struggling to gain weight, we might need to do things to help them stay awake long enough feed. And not every baby will fall all the way to sleep while feeding - some will need to be rocked or bounced to sleep afterwards.
But barring this, it’s always ok to let your baby fall asleep while feeding.
… but won’t feeding to sleep become a sleep ‘crutch’ ?
The concern for many parents (exasperated by the sleep training industry) is that baby will only fall asleep via feeding if we start ‘letting’ them fall asleep at the breast or bottle.
And yes, it’s true that feeding to sleep can become a sleep association. But we need to ask ourselves if this is really a bad thing?!
For many parents, feeding their baby to sleep is a really easy, really quick way to get them to sleep.
If you’re concerned about others being able to get your baby to sleep, you can always combine feeding with things like rocking, patting their bum, singing a song, etc. This way, if you need or want to be gone for nap or bedtime, other caregivers can still step in with the other pieces your baby associates with falling asleep.
It’s also worth questioning why one sleep association - say, a soother or the snoo - is “good” and another, like nursing, is “bad”? Is it possible that one is a great way to market more products to new parents while the other doesn’t make the baby / sleep training industry any money?
If I don’t do eat-play-sleep, will my baby wake up more often at night expecting to be fed?
Babies wake up at night because they’re babies. Sleep is largely a developmental process, and depending on what’s going on for your baby (leaps, progressions, growth spurts, reaching new milestones, teething, illness - so many things!) they wake more or less on any given night.
There is nothing you do that causes their wakes (although some behaviour modifcation techniques - like not responding to a baby’s cries, can lead to them signalling for a parent less. But that doesn’t mean they’re sleeping more… it just means they’re not calling out).
Is it bad to follow the eat-play-sleep schedule? It works for my baby!
Of course not! As long as you follow your baby’s cues more than a set of “rules” and feed them when they signal to you they’re hungry.
If you find they’re hungriest when they wake up and prefer being supported to sleep other ways, that’s fine.
But it’s also ok not to do eat-play-sleep, and that’s the point I’m trying to make here. Feeding your baby to sleep is normal, natural, and easy for a lot of parents - if that’s the case for you too, it’s ok to lean into that!
So, what baby sleep schedule should I follow instead of eat-play-sleep?
Most of the families I work with tell me trying to live by a strict schedule leads to more stress and less sleep for their families. They tell me when they ditch the idea of a schedule, everything feels easier.
It’s a classic example of trying to control things that are largely out of our control. We are not in control of when our baby is hungry. And we are not in control of when our baby is sleepy! Following the hours on a clock rather than the cues our child is sending us can quickly lead to more frustration and disconnection than it’s worth.
Instead, I recommend learning about wake windows, tired cues and sleep hygiene. This will equip you with enough knowledge to know when your baby is tired, but leave you with enough flexibility to roll with the punches.
What makes my approach different:
The whole gist behind most sleep training programs is that you have to follow their rules for it to work… even if it feels awful.
That’s not what we do here. I will never ask you to do anything that goes against your intuition.
You’re the expert, and you get to call the shots.
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